How Forgiveness Heals Our Heart
70Have you been Hurt?
Betrayal
Have you ever been hurt? Have you ever experienced the anguish of having a friend betray you? How about a comrade who turns on you and seeks to destroy you with lies, hatred and every kind of evil deed? Did your parents fail you miserably; were they detached or did they take their anger out on you or even worse, did they make you feel unloved?
Perhaps it was something simple like being insulted by some flippant remark? Because of the pain of your past you are triggered by the remark. I learned once from a very wise man, Paul Hedgestrom, Founder of Life Skills International, that when your reaction to a situation is greater than the situation calls for .. you can be sure it comes from your childhood.
I don't think you have to live very long to be at the receiving end of someone else's intentional or unintentional offense. It HURTS! ... It is a pain deep within that won't heal or go away.
What I am about to suggest may not make sense to you at first, but stay with me. Have you considered forgiving your offender? I know it sounds ridiculous even ludicrous to forgive someone who caused this kind of pain in your life .... but believe it or not, you will find healing and total freedom in forgiveness.
The flip side of forgiveness is to hold on to the pain remembering how badly the person hurt you. When we hold on to the anger toward the person who has violated or harmed us ... it comes back to bite us and has the ability to make us bitter which will affect every part of our lives.
Letting Go
Perhaps you don't want to let go. You feel that if you let go you are letting your offender off the hook. Think about this... Does your offender even care that you are hurt? Do they know that you hold such anger, pain or perhaps hatred toward them? What possible good can come from holding on to these harmful emotions? .... The Truth is these harmful emotions have the ability to destroy and disrupt your life. Apart from forgiveness you may turn into the very thing you hate.
Don't give the Offender Power over YOU
You see if we allow our offender's actions to keep us in a state of anger or frustration we are actually granting them power over us.... (thank you dear Esther for teaching me this) .... What does this mean? It means that as long as we hold on to Anger and/or Bitterness toward our perpetrator .. we are chained, gripped, locked into those emotions. They take on a life of their own and begin to control us. If we do not forgive the person who has harmed us, we are held hostage to the ANGER and RAGE we feel about what they did to us. Forgiveness will break those chains and set us free.
If you have read my hub entitled "Encounter with God" you have a glimpse of the type of Dad I had. You may think that my father deserved to be hated and believe me I did hate him. For years that hatred clouded my judgement of people. I allowed my Dad's treatment of me to define my views of who I was. It affected my ability to trust people. I gave him power to make me feel small and unworthy. Only through forgiveness could I begin to experience freedom from his hold on my life.
Do I go to the Person and tell them I forgive them?
When I talk about forgiveness being healing, I do not mean that you must go to the person to tell them you forgive them. In fact, if the person is unaware or if he is a troublemaker or mean spirited person .... please DO NOT go to them. Your sincere effort to forgive will probably spark another assault. If there is an encounter to be made .... with this type of person ... it must be initiated by the offender who recognizes the offense and comes to ask for forgiveness. Forgiveness can be one-sided you know .... taking place in your own heart. Forgiveness is a deliberate choice we make. Once it is made we are no longer held bondage to unhealthy emotions.
FRIENDSHIP: If the person who offended you is a friend that you trust; forgive quickly knowing your friend meant no harm. However, If the offense really bothers you, a clearing of the air may be necessary and appropriate. A true friend will allow you to come to them with your hurt. They will gain some insight into you and how their words or behavior affect you (and possibly others.)
Forgiveness - An Ongoing Process
I now recognize that my Dad's ugliness had nothing to do with me. It was his pain and his issues. He had a terrible life (until the last few years - a miracle story for another day) filled with poisonness, violent anger. He was a miserable and extremely unhappy man. I am quite sure he experienced self-loathing which took a toll on his health. In my Encounter Hub, I shared that it wasn't until just recently I discovered that I had (unwittingly) allowed Dad the power to affect my views and relationship towards God. As in the case with my Dad, forgiveness, in some cases, is not a one time deal.
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Do you believe in God?
I am a believer in God and in what He teaches in the Bible. I look to His Word (the Bible) for counsel in all areas of life. As I struggle with my emotions I go to God's Word for answers. What does the Bible teach about being offended or deeply hurt? What do I do with the rage and/or anger I feel. The emotions are so strong that I can't seem to get over it. I open the Bible with many questions in my mind. I ask, "What is it, God, that you would have me to do? As I search the Bible I see the answer ... The answer is to forgive ... WHAT .. FORGIVE??? You got to be kidding me? Nope, He's not kidding. His ways are NOT our ways. So what is Bible forgiveness?
TWO BIBLE VERSES ABOUT FORGIVENESS
Matthew 6:15
"For if you forgive others when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive other's their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.
Mark 11:25
And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.
There are many more Bible verses on Forgiveness .. I list only two .. I encourage you to search for yourself and let God speak to you.
For me, as a believer, my motivation to forgive includes my belief that the one who created me know's how I tick .. His word is TRUTH. If I want to be forgiven of the wrongs I have done - God says I MUST forgive those who have wronged me.
Break the Bondage
A very wise friend of mine taught me this prayer (thank you Mark) which has enabled me to break the bondage of any unforgiveness clutching at my heart. He taught me to pray this forgiveness prayer, this very healing prayer every time the hurt or angry thoughts surfaced about a situation or person ..... Pray it out-loud. It works!
A few years ago there was an offense that hurt me to the core ..... It was actually an attack of my husbands character ... ya don't mess with my man, if ya know what I mean. I consciously and repeatedly prayed this prayer of forgiveness for three days ... then something very profound happened on the inside of me. My heart felt completely mended and my attitude was supernaturally changed. This is the prayer:
THE FORGIVENESS PRAYER
Dear Lord, I choose to forgive Martin (not his real name) for (begin to list the offenses and hurts). I choose to forgive him for these things ... (list the offenses) out of obedience to the Lord Jesus Christ ...... Right now I choose to release him out of my grip and into your hands to do with as you please.
You do not have to feel forgiving to forgive. Forgiveness is a choice you make - your feelings with follow.
After a few days of praying this prayer, whenever negative emotions flared, I found myself emotional with tears of compassion toward Marvin. I began to include these words at the end of that prayer.... "and Lord, after you have opened his eyes please draw him to your breast and let Him know how much you love him - heal his heart Lord."
Amazingly, by choosing to forgive Marvin, God changed me from the inside ... from a heart of stone He gave me a heart of compassion.
It's a very simple prayer really. But it had the power to cut the bondage of unforgiveness and the possibility that a root of bitterness would spring up and fester within my heart. Bitterness is an ugly bedfellow.
Awesome and Practical Reasons to Forgive by Fellow Hub writers
- When I Forgive
This hub will broaden your understanding about how important it is to forgive. Excellent hub, excellent writer. - Why You Should Forgive Others
You may have heard someone utter the words, "I could never forgive him," or "Why should I ever forgive you." What the person probably doesn't realize is that he or she is only hurting him or herself by...
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Hi Mekenzie.
Thank you for your comments and yes it will be nice reading each others articles.
Yes I agree, forgiveness is very important. If the offender refues to reconcile I politely imform them their behavior is unacceptable and there will be no further relations until they are ready to reconcile.
God bless you.
Faith, thank you for sharing a bit about yourself and your upbringing. We both understand the battle that rages inside a child who is the brunt of injustice and lacks the nurturing every child needs.
The good news is that we can change the flow of generations before us by claiming God's promises and following His instructions.
I am so glad the Holy Spirit put his spotlight on your heart to reveal un-forgiveness. I have had the same experience several times in my life and when I choose to forgive I too am free!
You are sweetheart - let your light continue to shine for Him.
God Bless!
Mekenzie
Wow Mekenzie, what an awesome hub full of His truth of forgiveness. Your profile reminds me a lot of myself, about your home life, etc., and most importantly that you are also a Daughter of the King!!! I'm looking foward to following your hubs. I didn't even realize I needed to forgive my dad, who was an alcoholic, but it wasn't until age 30 that the Holy Spirit revealed this unforgiveness in me, and boy, I felt so free once I did forgive him, and I understood then that he had the disease of addiction, from which he was never delievered. So, then, my heart was filled with compassion for my dad, as I all of a sudden understood. Praise Him!!! In His Love, Faith Reaper
It took me years and a world of hurtful situations and people in my life to learn it too. It is amazing when you forgive, out of obedience to Jesus, he grants you a forgiving heart and freedom from the pain. Thanks for your encouragement ..
GOD Bless YOU!
Mekenzie
This is so beautiful...forgiveness...when I learned to forgive my health got so much better...Jesus says to forgive 70 x 70...it took me years to realize how important that is..great hub...debbie
Macrobin, Forgiveness is essential to our well being and to the believer - it is a command. Easy ... maybe the formula sounds easy but the actual working through the pain and allowing God to bring you to the place of surrender and complete forgiveness is not easy.
God's healing power is remarkable and beyond human understanding. His word is Truth and when we choose to live our lives according to that truth, we find the secret to fulfillment and abundant life.
Forgiveness is fairly easy when you see it from a spiritual point of view. I wrote a Hub on this very subject today. More people need to know the truth about forgiveness!
Hi Mekenzie. I enjoyed your hub and have gladly linked it to one I've just written. Thank you for the added insight.
Thank you my kind and dear Buddy! I've been going over my hubs and finding a need to proof and edit. Cannot believe how much work there is to do to present a polished and smoothly written article. I guess this is a good opportunity for me to apply discipline in the details. Enjoy your writing - you are getting better and better. You inspire so many people with your wisdom and excellent ability to communicate.
HUGS!
Mekenzie
Hi Sister... always good to read and re-read anything you write as there is always an message to impact us all... Know that you loved here by many as many love you through the comments they leave.
Blessings and Hugs as Always
Hello sweet skye2day, Thank you for your encouragement skye, you are such a precious and beautiful friend. I miss ya too and I hope my life can slow down enough to write again. Thanks for touching my page and heart with your presence. I love Ya Sista' May God continue to bless your pure heart with the message of hope you write so eloquently. Love to YOU!
Mekenzie
Greetings Sista, A Beautiful awesome hub of Love and huge importance and truth in forgiving. Gods truth. Thank you for sharing this hub of love. I realize you wrote it a while back. Great thing about the hubs they remain. I am thankful for the read. You are awesome. I miss ya sista. I understand you have much on your plate you are loved at the hubs and I am sure all the hearts you touch love you. Many Blessings sista. You keep preachin it K. Keep on. Sending warm hug.
louis, glad you found it insightful. It has healed much pain throughout my life. God doesn't want us to carry the pain or to believe the lies that come with offense .. Release to God and let Him deal with the offender .. Forgive to be forgiven and to be set free. Thanks for stopping by louis ..
Blessings!
Mekenzie
Very insightful article, THANKS
By Grace, so nice to meet you sweet lady! Unforgiveness IS poison (as you say) a poison that holds us hostage. It is my prayer that, as you noted, the young will learn quickly in order to be freed up to live life abundantly. Thank you for the Kudos sista'! I look forward to knowing you better.
Blessings,
Mkenzie
This is absolutely spot on as I know to my cost, I held unforgiveness against someone over something very small and trivial for many years. At least nowdays it has proved useful for a hub lol...
Until I learned this lesson my unforgiveness and its poison fruit grew and held me captive or rather I held me captive with my hatred and unforgiveness. This is a lesson better learned young and quickly.
An excellent hub I am voting this up and hitting the useful button well done.
Forgive to be forgiven is a simple concept .. YUP. The application and follow through are vital to our peace. I must say dear lady, we have much in common .. I too had to forgive a molester .. NOT EASY to release .. BUT obedience to God's directives sets us free from the pain and destruction of hatred and agony. Only God can lift us to this level of freedom .. HE deals with the offender.
Thanks for leaving your insight! Yes God is GOOD!!!
Mekenzie
WOW! What a wonderful Hub! You must forgive to be forgiven, that simple. If you don't you will be wondering why your life is in a mess! I had to forgive a man who molested my daughter!! From that day, my whole world changed! It wasn't easy when I thought about it, but I knew what was going to remain in my life if I didn't. God is GOOD!!!!
billy, nice to have visit my hub. I agree It is hard to forgive when the natural response to being hurt is to allow the hurt to keep us thinking about the offense. But that's kinda like bondage ... ya know what I mean?
It's not too hard to say the prayer I wrote about .. You don't even have to 'feel it' Just do it because it's right .. the amazing thing is that as I have prayed in obedience .. my feeling have always changed and I find healing .. it's a 'GOD thing' ... Miraculous really.
Yes billy in order to move forward we must take that first step .. forgiveness. Thanks for your comments.
Bless YOU!
Mekenzie
Creativeone ... nice to see you! I agree we must forgive to heal. God commands us to forgive when He says .. 'whenever you pray, forgive.' In fact I have a sticky note on my fridge to remind myself. I'll have to come by for a read .. my life has been busy of late.. wish I could spend hours reading my favorite authors .. seems there is never enough time.
Mekenzie
Very powerful and inspirational - forgiveness one of the hardest things to do but so necessary for getting ahead and going forward.
Thank you McKenzie,for a very interesting and useful hub, forgiveness is something we should all do in order to be forgiven and to heal. Thank you for sharing. Godspeed. creativeone59
Our minds cannot forget ... that's why it's important to forgive so we don't have pain everytime we remember.. Yes Janny learning from experience is what makes us stronger.
Blessings!
Mekenzie
I forgive just dont forget and I learn from it.
Teresa .. walking in that road again? There is more to that statement than I know.. I'm guessing. I look forward to reading your hubs, exploring your thoughts and knowing you better. :0)
Blessings! Mekenzie
Reading all these have brought back memories as if I am walking in that road again. Yes, you are right. Let go, forgive for our own good and for God to smile down at us. More power. Thank you for the sweet message you left. Indeed, we have connections as your hubs strike me home. God bless.
MFB, I am so happy to see you digging up some of my old hubs. Of course with Artwritis visiting me ... Old Hubs are the only option. LOL
I love this - "forgiveness is for giving, for regiving love and hope to one who has wronged you."
Good Observation - forgiveness is NOT simply excusing and continuing to carry the angst like a weight on your soul. Like sweeping it under the carpet .. problem is that it is still there waiting for Spring Cleaning when it gets exposed for what it is ... FILTHY DIRT!
I agree with you that forgiveness does not necessarily mean reconciliation. It is BEST to stay away from those who leak poison.
You said "Let God forgive those we can't" .. Just a sec. here ... I'm shifting the glasses I see through .. Yes, I see it now .... when I CHOOSE, out of obedience to God, to forgive, as in the forgiveness prayer .. it is GOD who grants the forgiveness ... that which I was unable to do myself .. YES it is God who changed my heart from stone to compassion ...
Thanks for the encouragement MFB ... You Inspire ME!
Mekenzie
Forgiveness is for giving, for regiving love and hope to one who has wronged you, it is not for simply excusing someone and carrying the angst like a weight on your soul. it will eat at you like a cancer if you don't pardon without compromise the person who hurt you. There are situations that call for the separation of yourself form someone you forgive, such as infidelity, or Murder and abuse
of your loved ones. Some such things are unforgiveable in so many ways. So the decision to forgive is hard, and often carries a huge price on one's emotions, but it is a cleansing in so many instances for the soul. Let God forgive those that we can't, he will separate the wheat from the chaff, we can still care from afar, and forgive
the better side of any human but we must not associate with those who do the unforgivable.....we can only pray for there souls facing damnation. ~~~Superb write~~~MFB III
Good thought Dave. I've heard different takes on Jesus and Judas. Judas opened himself up so fully that satan entered him and carried out his master plan through Judas. But the remorse you see in Judas afterwards is very clear ... more than he could carry ... we find him ending his own life rather than enjoying the rewards he had earned for turning Jesus in. His unbearable grief led him to the conclusion that he couldn't live under the load and so he committed suicide .. there was no turning toward Christ recorded. Good Question Dave ... I think Jesus did love Judas - but Judas allowed himself to follow satan's whispers. That's my take. Thanks for your provocative comments.
Mekenzie, as I read through this Hub it got me to thinking, what about Jesus and Judas? I would like to believe, heck if you see my Hub on Judas I do believe that Jesus final prayer for forgiveness as He hung on the cross awaiting His soul to die, covered even Judas. I hope to see Judas and Jesus as soon as I arrive at the main gates of Heaven, when ever that day might come.
Trusting in God's forgiveness for all,
Brother Dave
50 caliber, I'm so excited to have you visit one of my hubs. I've read your sage advise for months now as you have replied to many of the folks I also read. After reading your response to my hub on forgiveness .... Proverbs 25:11 came to mind. 'A word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver,' You SO got it goin' on! :-) Thank YOU!
Mekenzie, you've done a powerful hub on a subject that would help millions of angry folks. I used to be an angry person, and then I heard someone say "Don't let anyone, live rent free in your head" at the time this made so much sense and it took some time, but I pretty well have booted out the folks that I was angry at. I finally figured out that while I held resentments, they wondered around thoughtless of their past actions and the only one in the fight was me. So it's best to forgive and forget as quickly as possible and then you have a clear mind to live life with. Jesus is my answer to a life yet to come, where we won't have any issues with anyone or thing. It is quite hard to imagine that the old things will pass away, life will be completely smooth sailing for one and all. A free retirement plan that is but for the asking. Thanks
Greg, how kind of you to read another of my hubs. I so appreciate your encouragement and feedback. Most of us learn the hard way I am afraid. We do what comes natural ... and then we pay dearly. Forgiveness goes against what is natural but it is the key to personal freedom. When we choose to forgive we don't have to carry it any more and are set free to love and be all that we were created to be. Blessings!
Very good article,
It is an important message to get out. It took me a long time to realize that to hold a grudge slowly builds a poison within. And the only way to get rid of it is to let it go.
Keep up the good work! :)
Greg
Thank you dear Winsome - Yes forgiveness is what set us free and Jesus paid the ultimate price to see that we received it. Although at first thought forgiveness seems such a difficult gift to bestow on someone who has ripped us apart ... the surprise hidden in forgiveness is that when we forgive - we actually are given a gift ... of peace, freedom, joy and wellbeing. Be blessed Winsome and thanks for your comments - so fitting indeed.
Nice hub Mekenzie. If you could distill the Gospel into one word it would be forgiveness. I've recently been listening to the musical Les Miserables. What a showcase for forgiveness. Consider these lyrics from Javert: (Javert walks the deserted streets until he comes to a bridge over the river Seine)
JAVERT
Who is this man?
What sort of devil is he
To have me caught in a trap
And choose to let me go free?
It was his hour at last
To put a seal on my fate
Wipe out the past
And wash me clean off the slate!
All it would take
Was a flick of his knife.
Vengeance was his
And he gave me back my life!
We could say that about the man on the cross. Unlike Javert, forgiveness is a gift I will take every time. Blessings
Thank you Faith Talk .. for the confirmation and encouragement! Bless YOU!
That was an AWESOME word from the Holy Spirit on forgiveness. Keep speaking what God wants you to speak and thank you for sharing you testimony on forgiveness. "Forgiveness is like setting a prisoner free and realizing that you were that prisoner."
Blessings,
Faith Talk
Thanks Daisy - we both know what it is to be hurt. But we have learned to move on and NOT allow it to do damage or change us. Thanks for your comment! Blessings!
This was a very insightful article. And a lot of people do allow the offender to have power over them, and it'a a hard habit for a lot of people to break. But this shows some people that it's okay to forgive, but it's a process that takes work.
Mekenzie Hub Author 6 weeks ago
Hi teacher, Yes, unless the offender forgives there can be no reconciliation. But the ball is then in their court and you are free.
Look forward to reading more of your hubs!
Mekenzie